took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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