you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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