Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
BRING THE BAGELS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
