Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
