I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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