Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
