dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
