im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
