DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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