ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
