Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize