ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
