don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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