Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
