My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
