Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
