I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
