In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
