Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
