My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
