i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
