he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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