does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
