I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
