dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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