even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
