I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
