I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
