worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
