i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry about my life...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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