Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
