Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
