Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
