I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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