I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
