I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
