Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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