Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
