I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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