i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize