Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
