I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize