The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
