It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
