is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
