margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
