Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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