Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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