How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
