Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
