is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
