He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize