So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
