I faked an abortion last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
