Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
