So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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