i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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