My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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