when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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