operation have a gay friend backfired
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
