he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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