It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
