Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
