dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
