I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry about my life...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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