ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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