idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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