If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
